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First Person

Photos by Steve Penhollow

Courtesy photo

January 27, 2021

Step into the cage

Jaclyn and I chose the Let’s Rage package, which provided us with 26 random items to break and one large item that we could choose. 

In homage to a certain scene in the movie “Office Space,” we chose a printer.

“We hear ‘Office Space’ referenced often,” Greutman said.

Even I can admit that I have gotten angry in the past at errant printers and copiers. 

If you have old stuff at home that you are angry at, All the Rage allows you to bring it in and exact revenge on it. 

But you should exercise good judgment. 

For example, you might prefer to give up your grudge against those old bottles of Nitroglycerine in the shed.

All the Rage gets its items from area thrift stores with which it has forged agreements, Greutman said. 

Some rage rooms across the country allow patrons to tape a photo or drawing of someone they are angry at onto an object slated for destruction, but All the Rage doesn’t want to get into that. 

“A lot of rage rooms do allow patrons to do that,” Greutman said. “But we have a strict non-violence-against-others policy.”

Before you enter a rage room, you have to dress up in what Greutman calls “marshmallow suits.”

In our marshmallow suits, cut-resistant rubber gloves and protective headgear, we looked like we were “about to go make some meth,” according to Jaclyn. 

Let me assure you that we have no first-hand knowledge of that activity. 

Patrons can choose whatever music they want to listen to while they are raging. 

I tried to find a funk playlist on Spotify, but inadvertently chose a slow jam mix instead.

Word to the wise: You will laugh too hard to be able to swing a bat if you try to destroy property against an aural backdrop of Luther Vandross. 

Speaking of (baseball) bats, that was my weapon-of-choice. Jaclyn chose a golf club. 

Sage advice

Maybe it is because we’re wimps, but we quickly came to realize that breaking things is harder than it seems.

Nothing we threw against the wall broke. 

Some items even resisted several initial bat whacks. 

Jaclyn found her greatest satisfaction in jackhammering shards of things that I had already taken a crack at. 

We had a good time, but I must be unflinchingly honest here and reveal that I wasn’t able to shake a certain ambivalence. 

I felt bad breaking cups and dishes that were undeniably ugly, but which still had decades’ worth of use in them. 

In fact, I asked Greutman if I could take an item home intact: a ceramic gingerbread house of the sort that might (and will again) adorn a table at Christmas. 

What can I say? I am a softie. 

For people who actually have some steam to work off, All the Rage provides a perfect outlet.

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